Different Girl…Different State
- This one slashed my tires
- Keyed my car
- Dented the rear end of my car
- Threatened to come to my work/home
- Called my cell multiple times
- Keyed “Fuck You” into the driver side door of Mr F’s car
- Filed an RO against me after she was served with Mr F’s RO – stating that I had made threats, shown up at her husbands work, and threatened her children. I of course had never met her in person, did not know anything about her and RO was nothing but lies. RO was eventually dropped with prejudice. My lawyer said that the retaliatory RO just help bolster our case for harassment.
This RO is up in 2019…This is my life…As a result of this incident I…
- Installed 8 surveillance cameras at my house
- Installed a RingPro
- Don’t answer the door anymore EVER
- Don’t answer phone calls unless I know who is calling
- Have worsened PTSD and anxiety
- And am never surprised by how things can always get worse
I guess since she can’t punish him…she is trying to punish me…
I’m no responding but also have not blocked her yet…
I’ll block her soon…
As I sort through these Old Love Letters I find the image of the girl who wrote them to be just out of my reach.
That’s not to say that I don’t remember writing them. On the contrary, they were as vital to me as the air I breathed at the time.
I just don’t remember the girl who use to dot exclamation marks and “i”s with hearts.
And the feelings I thought I would feel seem to be absent (sadness, pain, laughter, etc).
Instead I find myself feeling numb. It’s as if I am reading about someone else’s life.
The numbness is terrifying.
I have started a separate blog to post all the letters I wrote Mr. F at the start of our relationship. If you are interested, I will be posting them @ GoodbyeMySunshine. For now there is a short intro explaining what I am doing and why. I plan to post the first letter tomorrow.
Today, I decided to ask my husband why sex has always been so vanilla between us. We have been married for almost 18 years. Here is his answer:
“Early in the marriage when you brought up pain and stuff like that I didn’t think it was right…I couldn’t wrap my head around hurting someone you love for pleasure. It seemed wrong and deviant to me. As I got older I read more and realized I was dumb, but I had caused so much damage to our trust by then I knew if I brought it up at all it would cause issues. “
My husband then proceeded to do what any reasonable person would do given the above situation. First he decided I was a deviant and made me feel inadequate. He next slowed sex down to a trickle. Then he decided to change his mind about BDSM. At which point, he found a mistress to help him explore this new hobby. Never once trying to communicate any of this to me though I begged him to open up.